This story only makes sense if you know a little secret about me. I’m clueless.
Really.
I put on this act of worldly sophistication but in truth I’m just a country bumpkin. This means I trust far too easily and am pretty much blind to the wicked ways of the world.
Well, most at least. Words like ‘quaint’ and ‘gullible’ only go so far in describing my singular ability to misread the most obvious signs and step into danger.
Today’s story took place years ago on a cold winter’s day in Beijing near the Wangfujin district.
My mane had grown long and shaggy and in dire need of a haircut. So one Sunday afternoon I strolled out into the frigid Beijing air and set off for the barber pole not half a mile from our hotel.
A cute, bouncy girl two funky pony tails sticking out the sides of her head and too much make-up on greeted me. She asked if I wanted ‘full service’. Thinking this meant a wash and cut I said, “Why not!” matching her infectious enthusiasm.
I was then ushered into the back and handed off to a more demur woman named Xiaomei. She proceeded to wash my hair and cut it. Timid with the scissors, I couldn’t help noticing that it seemed as if she’d never cut hair before.
I watched her botch my haircut right before my eyes in the mirror. At one point – I guess when she inadvertently snipped off a piece of my ear, drawing blood – I thought about stopping her. But I was mesmerized by her complete lack of skill. When she was done I looked like Sid Vicious on an off day.
At this point she started to massage my shoulders. Hmmmm, I thought, this is weird, but it feels pretty good so I let it ride. I got so comfortable I closed my eyes. The next thing I knew she was attempting to unbutton my pants. Startled I jumped out of the chair.
She seemed genuinely crestfallen when I refused her ‘full service’ and skedaddled out of there looking a bit worse for wear.
Later in recounting the story to my colleagues at work they howled in laughter at my naiveté. Apparently, the barber pole was the common symbol for brothel in China. To think I went there for an actual haircut and left after paying for services not rendered.
Have you ever had a haircut, perm, etc. go awry? Watched it befall a loved one?
14 Responses
Oh JD.. thanks for the laugh. What a great way to start a new week.
The last time I had a perm my hair smelled like perm until it grew-out…no amount of shampoo could rid me of it. Have you ever smelled perm solution.. it’s a combination of cat pee and skunk spray.
Now I’m wondering… is there a place the ladies can go for one of these “full service” deals????
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 10:01 am
lol…glad
you ran out
of there…sweet
country bumpkin (lol)
you be….
bad hair…recently
wanted some golden
low lights…turned out
more like burgandy
streaks…sat in
beauty salon for
about 6 hours
altogether and
on two different
days…
end product turned
out nice…and was
thankful to beautician
for working so hard..
and no charge she
said….what a sweet
heart…
cheers jd
~tracy~
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 10:25 am
p.s. will you
ever tire of making
fun of HIllary??!!…
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
maybe i should open a female full service salon
you’re welcome to be first customer ….
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
no, never have had that happen to me..
Dave’s last blog post..Courage?
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I haven’t heard of that tactic to solicite….not that I need to know! And the moral of the story is…long hair is a cue in Bejing..short hair no bother. lol!!
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
ah
go to beijing
experience a wildly different culture!
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
yes you seem to cut to the nub of the issue
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
poor red head
Posted on January 19th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Maybe she thought you wanted/needed a little trim down there … or the full service included an ending much happier than the usual.
Posted on January 22nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
yes
i love a story with a happy ending …
Posted on January 22nd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Nice. I also have some experience with haircuts in foreign lands. I was in 3rd grade or so, living in Vienna, and the local barber yelled germanically at my mother for allowing my hair to grow so long (it had been maybe 4 months since the last cut). Duly castigated, we decided the next haircut would not be in Austria. A few months later, my father attended a conference in Bulgaria. We tagged along, and after a day at the beach, we found a barber shop near the hotel. I sat in the chair, and my mother gesticulated instructions to the barber. I don’t know if she accidentally asked for special treatment, or maybe this was normal for that part of Bulgaria, but the guy pulled out what I can only describe as a machete. My mother was too stunned to object as he sharpened his huge blade and proceeded to whack my hair with it. The technique was to grab a handful of hair with one hand and swing the blade rapidly with the other. Every slice hurt, and I winced each time, anticipating the pain and hoping I wasn’t about to lose a pound of flesh in the process. When it was finally over, I have to admit my hair looked decent, but what an ordeal.
Posted on January 22nd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
yes
machete haircuts have a long tradition in ancient civilizations
they sometimes end in botched
inadvertent
decapitations
Posted on January 24th, 2009 at 10:21 am
So how much do they pay to post psycho-ops BS? Must pay good. At least we found one occupation that wasn’t outsourced.
Posted on February 6th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
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