Blunt Wit

Looking over my recent Blog postings a clear pattern of silliness and disdain for facts emerges. I feel myself being made fun of, mocked for my inane ramblings and pigeon-holed as a one dimensional ‘humorist Blogger’ by the serious Blog community.

So I’ve decide to change all of that here today and show everyone once and for all that I have ‘Blogging range’ and can write about serious, technical subjects that matter as well. I too can incite real passions and make cutting edge revelations that educate and enlighten. I too can expose corruption at the highest level and right the wrongs of society!

What I’m about to write is highly sensitive and confidential and could damage national security if it got into the wrong hands so please keep it to yourself.

I have recently become an anonymous test subject in a top secret government experiment. I decided to release my own test results here because it is becoming increasing apparent the government just plans to cover up the entire project like McCain’s womanizing past.

It all began in Peter Pan’s office. (He’s my dentist and I think he’s originally from Hong Kong.) I’m not kidding, that’s really his name. Apparently Walt X, one of his patients who will remain incognito because I think in real life he’s a porn star, left a copy of the test procedures on the waiting room table and thank god I, as opposed any other riff raff who might have come along, found it. Truth be told, I don’t even know this Walt X character but he must not be overly trustworthy if he let such an important document fall out of his possession.

This document was fascinating. It outlined a specific test procedure and hinted at an amazing discovery. We’ve been taught since high school biology that we each have 23 chromosomes. For some of us the 23rd happens to be XX, others XY and still others, say if you’re in the porn industry like Walt, for example, XXX. But what if I told you that in some people there was actually a mysterious 24th chromosome! Yes, they’ve identified this illusive chromosome as the ‘H chromosome’.

I have become obsessed with this ‘H chromosome’. I have done extensive research on the topic. What I uncovered is highly disturbing. Obscure scientists writing in an obscure journal (I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the title as it was some long unpronounceable technical jargon) stated that this mysterious chromosome is found in certain individuals while lacking in others.

Returning to the paper, it also outlined previous recent experiments on a range of test subjects that positively confirmed the existence of the ‘H chromosome’. While it is particularly prevalent in fishermen, there is also high incidence rate reported in pubescent girls, zealous lab rats and CEO’s.
The paper also outlined very explicit and confidential testing procedure. It gave the address of a local testing site, “The Sports Page” in Mountain View. I went there and gave the secret password, “Give me a test tube baby.” Thereupon I was served a creamy, viscous test elixir. And don’t you worry there were no real test tube babies harmed in the process that I know of. I would not recommend this test for the faint of heart. The foul magma burned as it went down.

Following the procedure further, I repeated the process several times and recorded the following results.
(X) Test subject begins to feel dizzy
(X) Test subject speech slurs
(X) Test subject tries to kiss neighbor’s wife (or husband)
(X) Test subject exaggerates the size of various body parts
(X) Test subject dances on the table
( ) Test subject arrested

I did not check the final box as to my knowledge I was not arrested but things did get a little fuzzy towards the end of the experiment and I woke up at home the next day with a terrible headache.
According to the results I tested positive for the ‘H Chromosome.’ This has me worried. But so far scientists are unsure as to the extent of any negative symptoms resulting from the ‘H Chromosome.’ There is common consensus, however, that there is very little upside to being afflicted with it.

This is big folks. I think the government is wrong to put a lid on this. People with this chromosome have a right to know. Any and all comments to this Blog will form the basis of a petition to the government. Your support to get this heinous cover up out in the open would be greatly appreciated!

For you cybersleuths reading this, what does the ‘H’ in the “H Chromosome” stand for?