I recently read a statistic that more people had moved out of the great state of California than moved in over the past year. This has gotten everyone from governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to my local paper boy nervous. “What if you all move away, what happens to my route,” a young distraught Jeremy said to me the other day. I reassured him that we, at least, would wait until after the next big earthquake before we ever bolted out of the state.
So I thought to help out and write a public service blog trumpeting all the good things about California in the hope that some of you gentle readers will become enamored and move out here. I even caught wind of a letter circulating in the Governor’s office with a proposal that he shake the hand of every newcomer upon arrival. So besides all of the other wonderful advantages, you might even get to meet the Terminator himself!
So why leave the cold, wet, snowy, hot, humid environment where you currently live elsewhere and come to California you ask? Well, in sunny CA you get the best weather in the country. It does take some getting used to however. Perfection, that is. Sometimes it can grate on you. Like some divine practical joke, for instance, the surrounding hills turn green in the winter. Lush, verdant, in the Damn winter! And when summer comes they toast brown and wither away (like plants do in the winter in the other 99% of the world). Hence the constant threat of forest fires like the rager that is currently threatening hot bed of liberal values, Los Angeles!
Another big advantage is the absurdly high cost of living.
“How, JD, can that be an advantage,” I can hear you scratching you head and muttering?
Simple, it keeps you hungry, motivated and lean. Ever notice how many fit, sexy people there are in CA on the TV. One reason is because food costs twice as much there as the rest of world. And don’t get me started on housing. That’s three times as much.
However, that’s a good thing according to the ‘Koi theory’, a recent line of scientific thinking that holds that some people, like the eponymous fish, grow to fit their surroundings. Thus buy a big house and you yourself will get subtly bigger. Stuff yourself into a small box of a house and you stay small, fit and trim. These key advantages to your physical health and sex life can’t be overlooked.
Another advantage is the multi-cultural smorgasbord that lives in CA. It is soooooo convenient. Let’s just say it’s the middle of the night and you absolutely, positively need to have that odd paragraph translated into Pashtun, Urdu, Chinese, Japanese, Romanian, Russian or Spanglish. There is always someone hanging around the local Home Depot or Quickie mart that can help you. Most likely for free. It’s a veritable United Nations in sunny Californigh-yay. In fact, in parts of LA your probability of catching a stray bullet are the same as, say, in Iraq.
And finally another point I hinted at in my opening. Your proximity to the stars! Since roughly 40% of the State works for Hollywood, the chance that you run into your favorite star while out and about runs very high. Hell, just the other day I ran into Christian Bale’s gardener’s niece. She fixed me a double mocha frappuccino AND gave me her autograph. Cool!
So how about it, are you sold? Ready to move to the land of milk and honeys?
25 Responses
You are clearly not talking about Benton, or Weed, for that matter. But you don’t need to convince me — I live in CA anyway, at least nominally. The (Strauss) milk is great, and the (surf) honeys (m) in Santa Cruz ain’t bad, either, especially when they peel off their wetsuits. Hey, what the heck am I doing in Austria, anyhow?!
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
you’re an unabashed eurofile
(they have treatment centers for that you know)
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Pffft. Yeah, they’re moving from Cali and up to my home-state, Seattle! My Grandma would LOVE it if they moved back..hehe…our house prices went sky high, and complaints of “those California drivers” are heard everywhere…our freeways have become death traps. Washingtonians can’t handle stress like that..
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
ah you poor thangs
maybe my blog will bring some caliphiles back from the soggy northwest …
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
All things said, when the snow starts to fall up here in Cleveland, L.A. starts to sound pretty inviting!
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
yes
hot is better than cold
any day
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
good read JD, just wrote an opposite view on why I miss the midwest in the Winter! m
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
thanks
Posted on November 16th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
You forgot to mention that the Rams now play in St. Louis! Jim (in St. Louis)
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:07 am
p.s. Koi theory sounds like just like Woody Allen’s “Zelig” and I bet the scientists didn’t cite poor Woody. It’s a dog eat koi world out there.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:09 am
yes, not mentioning ever migrating sports teams and woody allen was a sin ….
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Those fires have to be awfully scary, not something to easily get used to. I guess I will take 100+ inches of snow over that. (Just not all at once!)
Stay safe!
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:48 am
no snow for me, thank you very much
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I plan on moving out there in 2011.
Sex Mahoney for President
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 3:34 am
is that like wimpy saying he’ll pay for his hamburger next tuesday?
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 6:13 am
my daughter is sleeping under a brown blanket of smoke in orange. she puts in just enough hours between classes at the local starbucks to support her coffee habit. my son was thrilled to return to phoenix after graduation though he is looking at a job in the mountains near yucaipa.
frankly, if folks started moving out of AZ i’d cheer. to heck with the economy. i’m tired of outlanders. except for illegal immigrants. they can stay. they’re better neighbors.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 8:55 am
hope she gets out from under soot soon!
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I would love to move there but my hunny lives in Canada..
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am
ah also CA
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Damn, where is my suitcase? This all sounds to very tempting!
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
sun and fun awaits you …..
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I don’t mean to piss in anyone’s Cherrio’s, but I’ve had a nasty throat pain ever since the fires started, the constant smell of smoke, the watering down the entire home to remove all the ash, the burning eyes, etc…
Yeah, wonderful place to live. I have my eyes on Amsterdam personally. They seem to ‘get it’ there, and the whole place isn’t set on fire once a year by some yahoo with a grudge.
All the smoke has made me pessimistic, sorry to drop on you all here.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Scotty doesn’t know …
And you should read my first blog post for cherrio reference …. http://bluntwit.com/will-blog-for-food/
though no piss involved.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
California sounds nice, but y’all swim on the wrong side of the land. I’m used to the ocean being on the east, the beach on the west.
I just found this site (from a review by timethief at Blog Catalog), and I like it. Good stuff.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
ah the ocean is also warmer in the east with
manly waves
(let’s see if that comment doesn’t provoke the gender police)
welcome!
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 6:00 am
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