There is only the barest discernible audible trace when a heart breaks. It’s not like a badly breaking bone. Crunch. Snap.
You cannot help but notice when that happens and you wince when you hear it. No, the breaking heart, from the perspective of the hapless bystanders hearing on, just beats near imperceptibly faster. And the faintest of tears registers, picked up possibly only by acute dogs without the capacity or reason to fathom what they have just heard.
Let us assume you are the breakee. For you it is a much different story. For you it is like death warmed over. The tiniest of fissures grows with the gravitational force a black hole. For a split second all the world’s light and love and beauty get sucked through to nothingness. The vacuum left in that wake creates an ache of devastating loss. It ranges from pit of your stomach to the nadir of your soul. That chasm grows ever wider and deeper.
You blame, you curse, but no one hears. You poke, you punch, but no one hurts. You seek solace. You seek that whole feeling again. Instead you find anguish. Instead you fall into that pit and wallow in your own sorrow.
Now let us assume for a moment that you are the breaker. For you it is easy. For you it is like a sunny walk in the park. You go about your life as if nothing happened. Like a molting snake you squeeze out of the skin that had been constricting your freedom. You come out all shiny and new and fresh. Your leavings draped across you ex-lovers lap.
You dance on their grave. You leap with joy. Little do you realize in those flush first few moments that a part of you died as well. That you, too, were fundamentally shaken to your core. Your recovery time is faster, but your scars will tell a far different story.
You see when two hearts come together and keep time they synchronize. Their fluids mix. They take on an auricle familiarity. So any separation process is bound to cause trauma, leakage, and pain. The leading cause of this separation is an imbalance in pumping power. This has to do with a mismatch in timing more than anything else. One heart invariably beats faster, stronger for the other.
As a result even the minutest of tears can lead to a painful rendering that produces the faintest of faint audible sounds, the sound of a heart breaking.
What is the sound of heart break to you?
Have you had your heart broken and how would you describe the experience?
33 Responses
this is
beautiful~
the breaking of my heart was
over a long period…..it was like
getting cancer….slowly…yet
finally the cancer had to
be removed….
lovely post jd~
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Having my heart broken was a bad experience, caused deep depression but there was no sound..
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I feel you. I’ve had my heart broken multiple times, the harshest, that has taken years to mend was my divorce. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get completly over it.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I don’t think you ever get over a broken heart. You just heal and find something/someone to fill in the gap, but it’s never really gone. I broke a heart before I had mine broken. That’s something that I never want to do to someone again, although it’s sometimes inevitable. It took me nearly 2 years to get over my own heartbreak and I still have tears in my eyes when I think of how much that hurt.
The song “That’s How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart” by Aimee Mann sums it my hurt.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Beautifully expressed.
My heart was broken for years after the death of someone closer to me than anyone else, but that’s not what you’re asking, is it?
No one has broken my heart in love to the extent it left a scar. That’s either because I was the one leaving or because after that early loss to death, I never let anyone else that close, where I could be broken again….
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Romantic Love. Your mom warned you about it. Your friends said not to do it. But you did it anyway.
Every day across America, someone turns another person into a mirror and falls in love. Everything is wonderful until the mirror breaks and you wake up depressed, lethargic, and listening to bad country music on your ipod while you change your status on Facebook and MySpace. Your phone fills up with all the sympathetic Tweets from couples who will now avoid you like the leper you are.
It didn’t have to be this way. You could have followed the ten steps to cooling romantic love into something you can deal with. Its a new booklet from the Consumer Information Catalog. The booklet is free. Just Write: I Was A Fool, Pueblo Colorodo, 81009. Romantic Love, It Gives Love a Bad Name.
A public service message from Hallmark Cards, This Station, and the Ad Council®
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I have probably had my heart broken, but never as deeply as I broke someones. To me the sound of a broken heart is a scream, one which still haunts me and I am sure always will. It should. Heartbreakers need to know the pain they caused. It wasn’t easy to break a heart. I tried to be callous about it, but the ugliness of what I was doing was always there.
When I read your blog about an hour ago, I think I had more to say, but the pain in my own heart as I remember my own deeds, hurts too much.
Really, JD, this was an awesome write. You laid it out well, that is the pain, caused and received.
Thanks,
Daniel
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
funny thing is – I wrote that booklet
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
well
i know from experience, the heart heals
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
funny how universal this theme really is
and the beat goes on …..
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
unlike bones and cartilage
the heart heals surreptitiously
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
a silent break
i’ve heard of those,
but never experienced
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
sometimes you just cut
it away
and begin the healing process
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Going through some heartbreaking moments myself. It gets easier, right? Eventually the blame and the anger subside and, like a charred forest returning to life after a devastating wildfire, I await little saplings of life to reemerge signaling healing and renewal.
Hang in there.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
They say that getting over someone takes half as long as the relationship lasted. Don’t know if the breakee vs breaker dynamic plays into that equation, but one would think it would.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
love the analogy of a forest fire
seems quite apt
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
to small extent
yes it does
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
better to have…..than to have never loved at all, I guess. Yes, it’s very silent deep pain but life goes on and soon the pain is replaced with happy memories and insightful moments.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Heartbreak sucks but it is part of life and it is part of opening up and giving of yourself to another so for that reason alone we endure it. We tell ourselves it is never going to happen to us and we really hope that is true but it isn’t, at least not for very many people. Maybe there is no heartbreak for my friend who is still married and in love with the first boyfriend she ever had but her heart was broken by the loss of other loved ones and close friends so then I guess no one is except.
I hope they aren’t anyway because to have your heart broken means that you loved and to love is a wonderous and great feeling that is not as easy to accomplish as one might think. Well, maybe the loving is but finding someone you love who also loves you is a really magic trick.
My heart breaks (I’ve had a couple) is a very real, ripping, physical pain that I feel deep within. The tear splits through the body and results in a sound emerging that I do not recognize as my own anguish and pain. The only thing to do at to make any kind of difference at that point at all is to breathe. If you breathe it means you are alive and that means there is hope…even if you don’t see it at that moment. With hard work, caring support and a good measure of soul searching you make it through the other side and hopefully you will love once more and risk it all over again.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I broke someones heart once.. and in the process I broke my own. I just remember a silent sinking feeling and a deep wanting to make it right.. but it could never be right again… or could it?
What’s right isn’t always what we want.
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
yes sometimes it is a sinking feeling
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
interesting how you compare it to real physical pain
i guess in some ways you are right
i tend to agree that to have loved and lost is better than to never have loved ….
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
I’ve been heartbroken before. I usually feed the pain with music. I’m not sure why?
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
feed a broken heart starve a lustful fever is that it????
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
hahaha hmm… we may be onto something here?!
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Well said. I think there are different kinds of breaks or fissures that create a broken heart. Some are sudden, like glass being fractured by a strong blow, and the one whole heart being transformed immediately to tiny pieces. Other breaks are missing pieces – such as loved ones removed by a death that are never replaced. The heart can heal in one way but the loss of the piece is still felt, like the loss of a limb – gone but you get fooled into thinking it is there again until you look and see it is not. I have had to be the breaker but bore a huge responsibility with it and broke two hearts at the same time, my own included. I have been the breakee as well and was able to take the loss like mourning a death. And then a few years later, the person actually did die. So, mourning all over again – it was years ago, but I know that even if your heart is broken a relationship can survive on some level over time if both parties can have perspective and learn from mistakes made and realize underlying care can still exist. I was able to transform the relationship into a good, solid friendship meant to last a lifetime, but it did not due to the motorcycle accident. All is not lost if both parties do not wish for it to be. Things like pain, depression, recovery, freedom, hit people differently but ultimately if love was there at all, it can continue in another form or level if both parties are able to put aside ego, blame, and stubbornness. I can say I am relieved? not sure if that is how to verbalize it- to know we were on excellent terms prior to the accident and that there was nothing left unsaid, no good wishes witheld, he moved onto the next life so suddenly but without any doubts where I was concerned. I believe in living with no regrets. Say what you mean, mean what you say and live the best life you can.
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Devastating is the best description I can come up with and the sound in my head was that of a trip hammer. I guess what I heard was the sound of my heart breaking. It took me 2 years to figure out what happened and why. Sometimes I can be a tad obtuse.
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
ah you final thought
are words to live by
i appreciate that you took the time to detail some of your life experience
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
i think we all
have obtuseness at our core
i know i did
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
After the first time, heart break is no big thing; in fact, it almost becomes kind of pleasant and gives you a nice perspective on relationship longevity in between bouts of crying in the bathroom and soliciting cheap prostitutes for solace.
Sex Mahoney for President
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
i’m still in the bathroom phase
Posted on January 13th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I think it is essentially soundless although the perceived sound within is deafening. Relinquishing the hurt and pained memories will be tough, but I’m sure that you will, in time.
Been there, but is was mostly my fault. We are (very) casual friends now
Posted on January 14th, 2009 at 9:31 am
[...] his sad clown face because his heart was broken. Instead of humor, we get a really pretty, but very depressing post. I decide to lighten his day by leaving a radio commercial [...]
Posted on January 18th, 2009 at 5:14 am
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