Saturday, October 25, 2014

Blunt Wit

Absurd musings on life, the universe and nothing

What do you read on the toilet?

Posted by JD On November - 20 - 2008

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So why do you read anything anyway? Great literature, newspapers, magazines, blogs; every word we digest builds up emotional muscle, laughable ligature, spiritual sinews.

Like calories, we intake words to live. They inform us, educate us, entertain us and on rare occasions even enlighten us. Unlike bricks and mortar, they do not crumble and crack with age. They hurdle us back in time. They transport us forward in time. They come to us always at just the right moment.

Words create parallel realities just askew from our own. These imaginary universes look, taste, smell, sound and feel much like the one we currently inhabit. Yet something’s just not quite right. No words can capture the blue in the sky, the clashing sweetness and sourness of Tom Yum soup, the aroma of freshly baked sex, the anguish in Morrissey’s voice or the rapture of the beautiful game. Words form only close approximations.

But alas, today I’m not here to contemplate the what or the how or the why of words. No, today, it is all about the where. Where do you like best to take in your words? Do you like to slurp them with your morning meal? Do you prefer to caress them in a well lighted place? Or do you blatantly voyeur them through the window of your computer?

Me, my favorite place to cavort with words is on the toilet. Yes, that’s right, sitting upon my very own thrown, I find it soothing to sink deeper into the muck of a story. There exists a certain regularity that breeds peace of mind, a solitude conducive to the sweet release of the day’s troubles in the reverie of a tale well told.

How about you, where do you most like to read your words?
What words do you inhale the most?
Is there any book/blog/article that has enlightened you in the last little while? Please share!

26 Responses

  1. Regina P. Said,

    LMAO!!! I look through all my Victoria’s Secret catalogs while I’m on de throne. Cause that is where I have the best lighting! LMAO!!! As for reading, I love to read in bed before I fall asleep. :)

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 1:00 pm

  2. JD Said,

    ah, another thronish reader

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 1:33 pm

  3. julie Said,

    LMBO!

    Do you take the laptop in the can? Or do you keep it simple with a magazine or newspaper?

    Reading as you “go” somehow.. helps. Why IS that?!

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 2:27 pm

  4. JD Said,

    i usually read great works of literature

    on the can

    slow and steady progress

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 2:29 pm

  5. rg Said,

    being a regular sort, i use regular throne time for quiet reflection. although in public places, i must say, it is difficult to avoid the works of literature which sometimes appear on the walls. i also wonder if there are actually people out there with enough brains to actually write down those phone numbers, but not enough brains to refrain from calling them. i know this article was about reading, but there is one member of my family who uses throne time in public places to belt out show tunes. they don’t realize that while they may be able to shut the stall door, those booths are not sound proof. can anyone spare a square?

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm

  6. JD Said,

    who will win the nobel prize for bathroom literature i wonder ….

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:16 pm

  7. marsha Said,

    I love to read on the toilet. We always have a stack of magazines in there. I occassionally blog from there too. :)

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

  8. JD Said,

    blog log

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:51 pm

  9. Anna Said,

    I most often read on the computer, because I mostly read journal articles for my research, but my favorite place to read is in the kitchen. I also often read in bed. I have been reading some fun mysteries/spy stories recently, and an obscene amount of campaign and post-election news stories (trying to manage my addiction!).

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

  10. JD Said,

    they have treatment programs for that you know!

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 3:54 pm

  11. Kevin Said,

    I read magazines on the throne, listen to audible books in the car and read books in bed and from my lazy-boy. Of course, my wife makes fun of my reading on the throne, but not enough for me to give up the practice.

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

  12. JD Said,

    king must always feel lord of his own manor

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 5:37 pm

  13. reMarkable Said,

    I have other important matters to attend to whilst sitting on my throne!!! Then there is always the paper work that follows! It’s a shitty job but someone has to do it!

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 6:30 pm

  14. JD Said,

    ah

    you made a funny

    toilet humor brings out the stinkers ….

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

  15. rg Said,

    Nobel Prize for B’room literature? Now there’s a thought. Perhaps you could do a “Top 10,” we could vote, and submit the winner to the prize committee.

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 8:54 pm

  16. pam Said,

    I too read on the commode, usually celebrity trash stuff.
    All I can say is thank God for disposable wet wipes, they’re not just for babies anymore…

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 9:11 pm

  17. JD Said,

    celebrity trash in the toilet

    seems fitting somehow

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 9:16 pm

  18. La Commontater Said,

    I think I’ve read on the pot before…long ago in a far away land. I think it was People Mag or Readers Digest. People have time to read on the pot these days?

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 9:49 pm

  19. JD Said,

    ah yes, in our go go world, you must squeeze out the time some where.

    Posted on November 20th, 2008 at 9:55 pm

  20. Sex Mahoney Said,

    I’m thinking about installing a shelf next to my toilet where I can keep my laptop while I’m on the can.

    Sex Mahoney for President

    Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 3:24 am

  21. Bullgrit Said,

    I can usually go in, do my business, and leave without the wife knowing I was gone. But if I take something to read in with me, when I come out, 30 minutes later, she asks with concern, “Are you alright?”

    Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 11:01 am

  22. JD Said,

    lol, her concern is touching

    Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 3:11 pm

  23. wildrose Said,

    I read everywhere. It’s an addiction. The toilet, the tub, bed, work… I do try not to do it while driving. I’m goingthrough withdrawls right now, can you recomend a good read?

    Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 7:22 pm

  24. JD Said,

    well, i just got
    The Story of Edgar Sawtelle: a novel by David Wroblewski

    will let you know how it is after i read it ….

    will start this weekend.

    Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 8:34 pm

  25. Royso Said,

    I must admit playing a game on my Iphone has become my occupation of choice while refreshing myself on the throne.

    Posted on November 22nd, 2008 at 9:10 am

  26. JD Said,

    hoity toity an iphone? you are royalty indeed

    Posted on November 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm

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