So for my last blog I offered up A terrible confession of an imaginary affliction in which I afflicted my poor mother with imaginary tuberculosis to escape the clutches of a smoke deranged serial killer.
The week prior to that fateful train trip we were nestled around a circular table of a ritzy hotel restaurant high above the Shanghai skyline. Around the dais sat my friend Dave, his girlfriend, his Japanese godmother, my mom and me.
An outbreak of Hepatitis A raged in the streets below, apparently ignited by a rogue shellfish some days earlier. I could be wrong but I could have sworn I saw crustacean wanted posters dotting the city. For the uninitiated, Hep A spreads like wildfire, mostly through improper food handling. The Chinese government had practically locked down the entire city. Food stands and most low-end restaurants were shuttered. And it seemed as if banks were being robbed right and left as everyone wore suspicious white face masks.
Being the self appointed expert, I took the liberty of ordering a pot of Jiaozi, or boiled dumplings, for everyone. I then haughtily went about explaining the proper technique for eating these scrumptious delights properly.
“First step is to grab your bowl just like so.”
I poured a smidge of soy sauce into my square bowl.
“Not too much, not too little.”
“Dip in just like so … and eat.”
Everyone fired silent darts at my condescending and typically long-winded explanation as they were hungry after a long day of sightseeing. When the dumplings arrived, they soy sauced up their respective bowls and dove into them with gusto. Just then the waiter came up and with a look of sheer horror blurted out,
“You are all eating out of the ashtrays!”
Everybody simultaneously barfed up their partially digested dumplings. My face beeted red. The waiter immediately changed out our ashtrays for proper dipping bowls. I tried to make light of the situation,
“Look on the bright side. At least by using ashtrays we were significantly cutting down our risk of contracting Hep A!”
So tell me, what’s your most embarrassing moment?
© 2008 Bluntwit.com
Popularity: 17% [?]
Jun 27, 2008 at 00:02:16
Pride before the fall. Ahh…yummy ashtrays. So did the waiter speak chinese. Because I realize you did; but your guests may not have spoken chinese. Why did you not just leave them in the dark? Ahh..poor jd..haughty pride comes tumbling down. I shall remember this story for future reference. I so love your blogs where you reveal your soft underbelly. Thanks dear jd. Laughed out loud reading your blog. Love shrimp dumplings. Yes i do. Bring on the shrimp dumplings. Yummy.
Ms. Shrimp Dumplings Girl~
Jun 27, 2008 at 02:00:51
or fall before the pride ….
ah because Dave’s girlfriend spoke a little and ratted me out ….
Jun 27, 2008 at 02:03:13
That’s a pretty good one, and it didn’t involve feces or gun play.
Sex Mahoney for President
Jun 27, 2008 at 02:04:30
i didn’t mention that later in the meal someone flung poo and then a waiter drew down and shot him.
Jun 27, 2008 at 09:49:34
Excellent article and nearly choked on the ashtrays LOL
Don’t have a most embarassing moment that I can recall
Jun 27, 2008 at 10:03:41
or are willing to admit … lol
Jun 27, 2008 at 10:04:03
Oops lol
Jun 27, 2008 at 10:04:09
Years ago when I was working in a diner, I brought a bottle of ketchup to a gentleman, who had injuries to both arms. I offered to shake up the bottle of ketchup, which he thanked me for…until the cap flew off in the middle of my shaking. His nice white button down shirt turned into looking like he got shot up by a machine gun. I ended up giving him his foo for free and the diner paid for a new shirt for him.
Jun 27, 2008 at 10:10:53
that was me after breaking both hands playing a vigorous game of croquet … and the replacement shirt was too small …
lol
Jun 27, 2008 at 15:46:53
This following your mother’s faux tuberculosis in the face of smokers is just… well… grand irony, isn’t it? Poor JD. At least you didn’t drink out of the fingerbowls.
Jun 29, 2008 at 22:31:23
Mine involved shellfish…Alaskan King Crab legs, a table of 10 for Prom, a lacey bustier and a standing ovation.
It went down this way…all ordered the King Crab for dinner, each leaning forward to place the shells on plates beyond the entree plate. I am short of stature and blessed in the area known as the bust. The as yet uneaten King Crab leg on the entree plate became attached per spikes to lace on my dress. Date offered help but by then, all others had noticed. Not just at the table, but in the restaurant . Standing ovation including waitstaff. I quietly declined my date’s offer for assistance, detached the spikes and dinner proceeded. Ever had a moment you wish you could spontaneously disappear?
Jun 29, 2008 at 23:29:50
i live for those moments
or is it that those moments
haunt me
lol
great story!
Jul 30, 2008 at 21:27:44
My former boss, we’ll call him “Reverend Holier than Thou” asked me to locate and book accommodations for the women’s retreat the church was sponsoring and he was presiding over. Imagine my embarrassment when I received the phone telling me that they had all arrived safely at the NUDIST camp.